Very excited! Sunday, I am taking the next logical step in my faith: baptism. I was asked to write a testimonial to read in front of everyone. Let me know what you think?
"Up until just a few months ago, I was meandering listlessly through my life, with no direction and no fulfillment. I was hateful to my family, and poisoning the world around me with cynical words and harsh actions. I had dropped out of college and no longer had an acceptable plan for my life. I decided, upon seeing the change God made in my mother's life, to attend church. I discovered the unconditional love God and Christ hold for me, and nothing in my life has ever been so overwhelming or meaningful. Now, with the help of God, my mother has saved me like she has done so many times before. I am no longer afraid to tell the world what sort of person I used to be because I am proud of the positive, spirited, confident, and above all, on-track woman I am today. God has changed everything in my life, and has transformed me into the person those closest to me (and more importantly, myself) always hoped I could be. Where there was darkness, there is now beauty and brilliance, and I can fully see the right path He has created for me."
Saturday, October 15, 2011
To: ...
People are much like water, cutting it's way through the landscape, meandering it's own way along the terrain. My last relationship has taught me a lesson that is very valuable: we may become comfortable as a couple, or even in ourselves. And while comfort is important and absolutely vital, it cannot become us. Recently I took some time to sit back and meditate upon my life, the changes it has taken. I looked through years of pictures, images from my past bringing to the forefront of my heart sentiment. And while I realized that was my life--the hate, the love, the pain, the times of sheer and unadulterated happiness--I also realized that it just isn't me anymore.
I write this in the wake of a new chapter of my life. I am quietly, and with a half-smile and an eyeful of tears, gently closing this chapter and bidding it a final goodbye.
Scott, I mainly write this to you. To let you know that it was fun and beautiful while it lasted. But just like my spiked haircuts, raccoon eyeliner, punk phases and bad attitudes, I am putting it behind me to move on and become a different person, hopefully better. It just isn't who I am anymore. I am ready to embark on the next decade of my life and discover who I am on an all-important personal level. I am ready to discover and explore my faith. I am ready to commit to being the person I've always wanted.
So thank you. Much like the other relationships in my past, I owe you that. However subtle the hand is, it has done it's part in sculpting my life.
I write this in the wake of a new chapter of my life. I am quietly, and with a half-smile and an eyeful of tears, gently closing this chapter and bidding it a final goodbye.
Scott, I mainly write this to you. To let you know that it was fun and beautiful while it lasted. But just like my spiked haircuts, raccoon eyeliner, punk phases and bad attitudes, I am putting it behind me to move on and become a different person, hopefully better. It just isn't who I am anymore. I am ready to embark on the next decade of my life and discover who I am on an all-important personal level. I am ready to discover and explore my faith. I am ready to commit to being the person I've always wanted.
So thank you. Much like the other relationships in my past, I owe you that. However subtle the hand is, it has done it's part in sculpting my life.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Does wearing plaid flannel shirts make me a lesbian?
Opinions. Who is and is not entitled to them. Well, I was raised to recognize that everyone is entitled to their opinion. In my family if we didn't share our opinions, we'd probably explode. True story. My family is wonderful, by the way...Tangent! Sorry. Anyway--so yes, everyone has an opinion, and everyone has a right to voice their opinion.
But this is where some folks get mixed up.
Yes, you may have your opinion. Opinion it up, homie! But at the same time, I reserve the right to come back at you with a little opinion of my own. Recently, my lovely sister-in-law posted a blog about how someone who shall remain nameless (can't even imagine the hate mail galore!!) called my nephew an "effing fag" for having pink nail polish. He's in a family of five boy children, one girl child, and a feminine mother. Well, the girl child is feminine too, but that's not the point.
You may argue that children have a "follow the leader" mentality. And they do. But they also strive to be creative and imaginative. And by not allowing them that, you are crushing their childhood, their essence of...well, what makes them a child! There is nothing wrong with a little boy asking to have his nails painted like his Mom and sister. Pink nail polish makes no one gay. I've had my nails painted pink plenty, and I'm still quite straight.
So, saying that pink nail polish will make a little boy gay? That's like saying "OH, WEARING A PLAID FLANNEL SHIRT IS TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE ME A LESBIAN!" ...it doesn't, right? Okay, good. Yeah. Argument still stands. (No offense, using a stupid stereotype!)
Now, okay. This was my argument. She can have her opinions about gays. But when you try to force things down people's throats, that's when I get angry. There's an old saying, and don't become offended, it's just something I use to make a point. Religion and penises have something in common. Don't go stuffing them down people's throats. ...Well, unless they ask or get paid for it, ha-ha. (Don't prostitute, it's bad, m'kay??) And no, I don't know any religious people who shove religion at me. I don't keep those kind of people in my life.
And I could go slamming the woman who called my nephew this. But it would do no good, she's an idiot and never responds to advice. It's like talking to a very slutty, infectious brick wall.
TANGENT ALERT! Back on track. Anyway, anyone is allowed to have their opinion of anything. Religion (Nazarene here!), Homosexuals (I'm not gay, but you can be gay, and that's okay!), abortion (pro-choice), Racism (it's the dumbest thing since the people who couldn't manage to think up sliced bread), Casey Anthony (guilty as sin!)...hell, even hamburgers (PICKLESSSS!) THAT'S NOT THE POINT. YOU DON'T GO AROUND TRYING TO SHOVE YOUR BELIEFS OF ANYTHING AT PEOPLE. Especially not children. "Oh, but it's a free country! Free speech!" Well then forgive me if I brick you in the head as my opinion and then run away going "Free speech! FREEEEE SPEEEEECH!"
ALSO, while I'm on this topic. Fag, whore, the 'n' word or any other racist monicker, curse words. "Oh, Alex, that would be 'Things not to say around children!'" And you know what. I'd win that double jeopardy, bitches.
See? Bitches. Only because I know children don't read this blog. Or shouldn't... Have I said that before? Oh yeah. Don't read this blog, children!! Adults, read the hell out of it.
Seriously.
Read it.
But this is where some folks get mixed up.
Yes, you may have your opinion. Opinion it up, homie! But at the same time, I reserve the right to come back at you with a little opinion of my own. Recently, my lovely sister-in-law posted a blog about how someone who shall remain nameless (can't even imagine the hate mail galore!!) called my nephew an "effing fag" for having pink nail polish. He's in a family of five boy children, one girl child, and a feminine mother. Well, the girl child is feminine too, but that's not the point.
You may argue that children have a "follow the leader" mentality. And they do. But they also strive to be creative and imaginative. And by not allowing them that, you are crushing their childhood, their essence of...well, what makes them a child! There is nothing wrong with a little boy asking to have his nails painted like his Mom and sister. Pink nail polish makes no one gay. I've had my nails painted pink plenty, and I'm still quite straight.
So, saying that pink nail polish will make a little boy gay? That's like saying "OH, WEARING A PLAID FLANNEL SHIRT IS TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE ME A LESBIAN!" ...it doesn't, right? Okay, good. Yeah. Argument still stands. (No offense, using a stupid stereotype!)
Now, okay. This was my argument. She can have her opinions about gays. But when you try to force things down people's throats, that's when I get angry. There's an old saying, and don't become offended, it's just something I use to make a point. Religion and penises have something in common. Don't go stuffing them down people's throats. ...Well, unless they ask or get paid for it, ha-ha. (Don't prostitute, it's bad, m'kay??) And no, I don't know any religious people who shove religion at me. I don't keep those kind of people in my life.
And I could go slamming the woman who called my nephew this. But it would do no good, she's an idiot and never responds to advice. It's like talking to a very slutty, infectious brick wall.
TANGENT ALERT! Back on track. Anyway, anyone is allowed to have their opinion of anything. Religion (Nazarene here!), Homosexuals (I'm not gay, but you can be gay, and that's okay!), abortion (pro-choice), Racism (it's the dumbest thing since the people who couldn't manage to think up sliced bread), Casey Anthony (guilty as sin!)...hell, even hamburgers (PICKLESSSS!) THAT'S NOT THE POINT. YOU DON'T GO AROUND TRYING TO SHOVE YOUR BELIEFS OF ANYTHING AT PEOPLE. Especially not children. "Oh, but it's a free country! Free speech!" Well then forgive me if I brick you in the head as my opinion and then run away going "Free speech! FREEEEE SPEEEEECH!"
ALSO, while I'm on this topic. Fag, whore, the 'n' word or any other racist monicker, curse words. "Oh, Alex, that would be 'Things not to say around children!'" And you know what. I'd win that double jeopardy, bitches.
See? Bitches. Only because I know children don't read this blog. Or shouldn't... Have I said that before? Oh yeah. Don't read this blog, children!! Adults, read the hell out of it.
Seriously.
Read it.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Sometimes...Good Things Fall Apart, So Better Things Can Come Together...
That's my theme for this blog entry, m'dears. "Sometimes, good things fall apart, so better things can fall together."
At some point in time this has meant something to someone. Whether it is a romantic relationship, a friendship, or not even a relationship at all.
My good friend Stephanie got broken up with by her boyfriend from where she lived before she moved to Chicago. She was heartbroken, trying to convince him that what he had with this new girl was nothing compared to what he had with her. She kept a strong face, although she was hurt by it. But lo and behold, I log onto facebook today to find out she's with someone who, by a LONG shot, is far better for her than her ex ever could be. Stephanie and Ayden, if either one of you read this, this is my hope for the best for the two of you. My Jew self would say Mazel Tov.
My sister-in-law Holly is another shining example. She went through a tough relationship, being both physically and emotionally abused by her ex. Yet she dragged herself away from it with a baby in tow, only to find my brother who is now Dad to that young boy, and her knight in shining armor.
I'm even a decent example. I had what I thought was the best relationship in the world with my ex, Shawn. I loved him, and to this day I still do a little bit, that will never change. But I realized between the two of us, we just were not good together. We brought the worst out in each other. And that lead me to where I am today, trying to better myself and make myself happy.
So here's my theme for you today, kiddies. If you're someone in a damaging relationship, reeling from a break up, or simply can't find yourself...don't give up. While it may seem that perfect part of your life is in shatters now, you will put it together in a way that is far more beautiful than it was before. Always Remember: sometimes, good things fall apart so better things can come together.
I love you all! Expect a video blog sometime in the future!!
I'll see you another time, all of my little lovelies! Have a great day!
The Littlest One
**What I'm Listening To:
Dedicated to Shawn Forbes**
At some point in time this has meant something to someone. Whether it is a romantic relationship, a friendship, or not even a relationship at all.
My good friend Stephanie got broken up with by her boyfriend from where she lived before she moved to Chicago. She was heartbroken, trying to convince him that what he had with this new girl was nothing compared to what he had with her. She kept a strong face, although she was hurt by it. But lo and behold, I log onto facebook today to find out she's with someone who, by a LONG shot, is far better for her than her ex ever could be. Stephanie and Ayden, if either one of you read this, this is my hope for the best for the two of you. My Jew self would say Mazel Tov.
My sister-in-law Holly is another shining example. She went through a tough relationship, being both physically and emotionally abused by her ex. Yet she dragged herself away from it with a baby in tow, only to find my brother who is now Dad to that young boy, and her knight in shining armor.
I'm even a decent example. I had what I thought was the best relationship in the world with my ex, Shawn. I loved him, and to this day I still do a little bit, that will never change. But I realized between the two of us, we just were not good together. We brought the worst out in each other. And that lead me to where I am today, trying to better myself and make myself happy.
So here's my theme for you today, kiddies. If you're someone in a damaging relationship, reeling from a break up, or simply can't find yourself...don't give up. While it may seem that perfect part of your life is in shatters now, you will put it together in a way that is far more beautiful than it was before. Always Remember: sometimes, good things fall apart so better things can come together.
I love you all! Expect a video blog sometime in the future!!
I'll see you another time, all of my little lovelies! Have a great day!
The Littlest One
**What I'm Listening To:
Dedicated to Shawn Forbes**
Monday, July 11, 2011
To My Brother DAVID...
Dear David,
This is what I wanted to say at your baby shower, but couldn't manage around all of the people (and beer.) This is for you (and Justina and Miss Emma), but mostly you.
Here goes.
If someone asked me a year ago, I would have told them "no, I've never been close to my oldest brother--just JJ, Danny and Travis." You had a mixed-up life going into your adult years, and it was so difficult for me to understand why you couldn't always be there. It never occurred to me that your life might have been in shards that you needed to pick up and glue back together. Over the years as I grew into the woman I was to become, a disgusting feeling of hate and distaste welled within me. I refused to tell anyone that I even had a third brother. Gently, my wonderful mother urged me into forgiveness. But, just like you, I had a will of iron and refused to see it any other way. The day of my sweet sixteen, you didn't show up. You had to work, but that was something that, at the time, I could simply not understand. At eighteen, I refused to look your way at my birthday party.
At my graduation party, you once more showed up, almost sheepish and quiet, as if unsure how to act around me. Trailing behind you was the ever-brilliant woman who is now the mother of your children, who will someday (hopefully soon) become your wife. I felt my walls began to break down; still, I remained adamant upon my anger and feelings of betrayal.
Some time ago, you came to me and told me that you would be a father. With a hateful smirk I began to think horrid things that, to this day, I am still very, very ashamed of. But then there was Emma. I saw that sweet little smile and the bigger one you toted when she gazed up at you in admiration. And then you came to work for Mom, and we spoke more and more often. I came to the realization that without having known you much during my growing up, I had become eerily like you.
And then was yesterday. I watched an old home movie of us down at the Port of Oquwaka. How you chased after me, tucked my shirt in, buttoned my loose overall and even tied my shoes. How you laughed when I did goofy things common to a child of my age group. And I realized my own grin of admiration at that age much mirrored Emma's--and that smile you returned mirrored the one you flash at that little girl today.
David, There is absolutely zero doubt in my mind that you will be an amazing father. It took us such a long time to be brother and sister, but on this day (just any old normal Monday) I am happy we took the path we did. I have a unique relationship with you that I do not share with anyone else in this family. It is a bond of love and respect, as I realize how hard this bond was to build, and how much harder it will be to break. You have been one of my worst enemies, and now you are one of my best friends. The admiration I feel for you in my heart has become so much more than it did that day down by the river when I was two.
I love you, and I hope for you, Justina, and Emma the very best. I will always be there to celebrate at your side.
Much love, Your sister.
This is what I wanted to say at your baby shower, but couldn't manage around all of the people (and beer.) This is for you (and Justina and Miss Emma), but mostly you.
Here goes.
If someone asked me a year ago, I would have told them "no, I've never been close to my oldest brother--just JJ, Danny and Travis." You had a mixed-up life going into your adult years, and it was so difficult for me to understand why you couldn't always be there. It never occurred to me that your life might have been in shards that you needed to pick up and glue back together. Over the years as I grew into the woman I was to become, a disgusting feeling of hate and distaste welled within me. I refused to tell anyone that I even had a third brother. Gently, my wonderful mother urged me into forgiveness. But, just like you, I had a will of iron and refused to see it any other way. The day of my sweet sixteen, you didn't show up. You had to work, but that was something that, at the time, I could simply not understand. At eighteen, I refused to look your way at my birthday party.
At my graduation party, you once more showed up, almost sheepish and quiet, as if unsure how to act around me. Trailing behind you was the ever-brilliant woman who is now the mother of your children, who will someday (hopefully soon) become your wife. I felt my walls began to break down; still, I remained adamant upon my anger and feelings of betrayal.
Some time ago, you came to me and told me that you would be a father. With a hateful smirk I began to think horrid things that, to this day, I am still very, very ashamed of. But then there was Emma. I saw that sweet little smile and the bigger one you toted when she gazed up at you in admiration. And then you came to work for Mom, and we spoke more and more often. I came to the realization that without having known you much during my growing up, I had become eerily like you.
And then was yesterday. I watched an old home movie of us down at the Port of Oquwaka. How you chased after me, tucked my shirt in, buttoned my loose overall and even tied my shoes. How you laughed when I did goofy things common to a child of my age group. And I realized my own grin of admiration at that age much mirrored Emma's--and that smile you returned mirrored the one you flash at that little girl today.
David, There is absolutely zero doubt in my mind that you will be an amazing father. It took us such a long time to be brother and sister, but on this day (just any old normal Monday) I am happy we took the path we did. I have a unique relationship with you that I do not share with anyone else in this family. It is a bond of love and respect, as I realize how hard this bond was to build, and how much harder it will be to break. You have been one of my worst enemies, and now you are one of my best friends. The admiration I feel for you in my heart has become so much more than it did that day down by the river when I was two.
I love you, and I hope for you, Justina, and Emma the very best. I will always be there to celebrate at your side.
Much love, Your sister.
What is it all about?
WELL, since you ASKED...
This blog is about me. Well, not really me, more the stuff around me. Finding myself sans children, I have time during my day that I want to begin to devote to writing. THANK YOU M'DEAR, NIKKI ROY, FOR HELPING ME FIND THIS PAGE!
A little bit about MOI...
I am the youngest of five children, hence the title of this blog "The Littlest One." I have four older brothers (David McDorman, John "JJ" Roy, Daniel "Danny" McDorman, and Travis Woolums.) While parts of my family aren't fully family (or biological family at all!) they are still family to me.
I am nineteen (twenty on December 8th) and I'm currently a private home care CNA. I have two wonderful dogs named Lucy and Gracie, and a lazy cat, named Max.
This is gonna be fun.
This blog is about me. Well, not really me, more the stuff around me. Finding myself sans children, I have time during my day that I want to begin to devote to writing. THANK YOU M'DEAR, NIKKI ROY, FOR HELPING ME FIND THIS PAGE!
A little bit about MOI...
I am the youngest of five children, hence the title of this blog "The Littlest One." I have four older brothers (David McDorman, John "JJ" Roy, Daniel "Danny" McDorman, and Travis Woolums.) While parts of my family aren't fully family (or biological family at all!) they are still family to me.
I am nineteen (twenty on December 8th) and I'm currently a private home care CNA. I have two wonderful dogs named Lucy and Gracie, and a lazy cat, named Max.
This is gonna be fun.
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